One Shots!
by Elky.And.The.Rupert.Obsession
Summary: I was reallly bored when i came up with these so they arnt though through and plus dont flame me on grammer because i dont care
1. NEWTS and Books

**Hmm well this is my first fan fic. I'm getting really bored with all the mushy fluff stories. So I decided to come up with a story that has a bunch of one-shots that are funnyy.**

Enjoy 33 

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that are in the book, but if they're not in the book they're MINE**

**XoXoXoXo**

**Summary: It's the day of N.E.W.T.S and Hermione OVER slept on accident, what will happen?**

As I was sleeping having a dream about my wedding marrying a book Crookshanks started scratching at my face which woke me up.

"Oh Crookshanks I was having a good dream!" yawned Hermione.

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!" Meowed Crookshanks. (translation "I was trying to wake you up you start N.E.W.T.S in 5 minutes!")

"Oh my gosh how can I over sleep on the one important day of my LIFE!" Screamed Hermione **(A/N: I know in the books she doesn't really understand what Crookshanks says but its MY fan fic and I can write whatever I want :P) **

She started getting dressed and put her hair up and ran to the great hall to start testing. (**A/N: Isnt that where they usually test? If im wrong let me know)**

"HERMIONE GRANGER!" yelled professor "you have 10 seconds left to find a place to sit or u officially fail Hogwarts"

Everyone in started laughing silently. She was scanning the hall for a place to sit but there was only one spot left, and next to someone she would NEVER want to be… DRACO MALFOY! Dun dun dunnnnn

She walked and sat down.

"Wow Granger I would expect Potty or Weasel to be here 10 seconds before testing but never in my life I would see you be late.. but then again, you are a mudblood so I shouldn't be so surprised." Said Malfoy in a bored tone.

"oh shut it Malfoy I over slept I was having a good dream" She said.

"What marrying books?" he said sarcastically

My face fell. "How did you know!" I yelled a little to loud.

"Oh my gosh you did have a dream about marrying books!" he yelled laughing and the whole great hall started laughing.

Even Snape was laughing.

This was the worst day of my LIFE.

We took all our N.E.W.T.S and I think I failed them all with all of today's events.

This was by far the worst day ever.

By:

Mrs. Hermione a History (A.K.A That girl who married a book.)

**XoXoXoXo**

**A/N yeah the Hermione a History well Hogwarts a History was one of the books that she read that I know of and yeah. If u don't get it then your slow.**

**Well that was ok I guess.. I know Hermione's not that stupid but it was just fun.**

**I don't care if you review or not. It bugs me when some fics are like REVIEW or I'm gonna go kill myself. So yeah I don't know when the next post is going to be up but ill only do that when I get an idea.**

**Ok ill stop rambling. (I wonder how many people actually read the author notes. Hehe)**


	2. Lord Potter?

**Yay! New one shot! I came up with this one in the middle of the night when I was extremlyy borreeddd.. **

**Summary: Its Harry's 17th birthday and the protection Aunt Petunia has doesn't work anymore.. What happens?**

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* * *

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As Harry was watching his clock counting down to be 17 years old.

5 more seconds. 5-4-3-2-1. Harry started jumping around shooting off random spells.

* * *

As Voldemort was waiting outside the Dursleys house to wait for Harry to become 17 years old. The protection his Aunt has wont work on him anymore. He will FINALLY be able to kill him.

5 more seconds, 5-4-3-2-1. Then he started walking towards the house and saw flashes of light coming out of one of the rooms.

"_Probably Harry celebrating able to use magic outside of Hogwarts." _Said Voldemort.

As he approached the house he rang the doorbell.

* * *

As Harry was being all magical and stuff the door bell rang.

Weird who would come at 12 at night?

Then he heard Uncle Vernon start yelling about who would come at 12 at night.

Then He opened the door and saw a hooded figure and the words "Avada Kedavra"

He was dead.

Then Aunt Petunia came down to see what was going on and saw her husband dead then a hooded figure "AHHHHH" screamed Aunt Petunia.

"Avada Kedavra" Yelled Voldemort.

She was dead.

Then Dudley came down the stairs.

And saw his parents dead and tried to run away.

"Avada Kedavra!" yelled Voldemort.

It didn't work. His fatness just absorbed it without affect.

So Voldemort grabbed a baseball bat and started hitting his head and eventually was dead.

Then Harry came down to see what the commotion was and saw a dead Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley, and Alive Voldemort.

"DID YOU DO THIS?" he asked

"mwhahahah yes I did I killed more of your family! Mwhahahha" he laughed evilly.

"Oh my gosh I love you!" He screamed as he ran to Voldemort and gave him a big hug.

"…"

Then Harry bowed down and kissed his feet.

"Oh please give me the darks mark I will be your humble servant." He begged.

"um ok" he said as he gave the dark mark.

Then Harry and Voldemort took over the world and like the prophecy says that one of them will die well Harry killed Voldemort and Harry Became Lord Potter and instead of Dark Marks on the arm the new sign thing was lightningbolt on forheads.

Oh and Harry and Draco got married.

**A/N Ok I hope you liked it. I will only update if I get an idea. If you have any feel free to let me know.**

**Ok. I don't care about reviews**


	3. Futball! or was it Football?

**Yay! I'm updating! **

**Well I haven't updated in a while because 1. At school I have testing EVERYDAY this week and these test are like determining if I repeat my grade or move on. I had my first test today and it was easy (thank God) but yeah then after school I had to go to my schools soccer practice then during it something funny happened then I got an idea for a one shot. Since I have no homework this week and tomorrows test is just reading short stories then answering questions about them I really don't need to study so yeah. Ok ill stop rambling. The Storryyy!**

**Summary: Ron, Hermione, Harry, nd other people who I don't feel like listing have decided to have a day of "futball" or was it "football"?**

* * *

It was Saturday at Hogwarts and nobody had anything to do.

Hermione already read every book at the library at least 2 times and she studied her notes so many time so that she can recite them by heart.

Harry and Ron had no quiddich **(sp?)** and they never studied and chess was getting old to them.

Everybody else couldn't do what they normally do so yeah.

Then Hermione got an idea! "Hey guys lets play Futball!" Said Hermione.

"What's that?" Everybody said.

"Oh well since I'm being all snobby and Hermoniesh to the max im going to make you find out on your own!" she said

"Ugh" They all said.

"Well why don't we have a tournament tonight!" She squealed

"Uhm.. Sure why not" Said Ron. Everybody scowled at him they didn't want anything to do with "futball".

"Ok well lets make a team how about boys VS. Girls?" she said.

Then all the girls got up and went followed Hermione to her dorm room to find out what "futball" is and practice.

"Uhm lets go to the library to find out what it is" said Harry and they all followed him to the Library.

When they got to the library they now got magical computers because the author doesn't want them to look in books and write a paragraph about them looking in books. :P

Harry went and typed in **Football.**

His results told them everything about football from tackles to touchdowns. They also saw that it was pretty violent the sport.

"I wonder why Hermione wants to play such a violent sport." Said Dean.

"Oh well who cares we get to smack their butts!" Said Semus!** A/N well I watch football sometimes and they do smack each others butts everytime something good happens**

After a few hours of practicing and magically making uniforms. For them selves it was time for the game.

As the girls walked out with some long socks, shorts, and Jerseys they saw a Futball field ready for them they started kicking the ball around.

Then the guys walked out with helmets, Jerseys, and football pants. **A/N you know those ones that are like tight on them?**

When the girls saw them they were laughing like crazy when they saw the guys wear what they were wearing the girls were in big shock!

"What the hell are you wearing?" Yelled Hermione.

"Uhm well we searched in the library for football and this is what they were wearing. And I would like to know what you are wearing?" said Ron.

"well were wearing our Futball uniforms but in America its called soccer." Said Hermione. "and in America they have sport called FOOTBALL with two O's instead of a U"

The girls started laughing realizing what happened.

The guys were pretty embarrassed. Then Dean, Semus, Harry, Ron and everyone else on the team were pretty mad and walked up to the girls and smacked their butts!

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" All the girl screamed.

"Well since we cant play football we might as well act like football players since were in the uniforms." Semus said as he winked.

Then the girls magically changed their uniforms to futball and quickly showed them what to do and then they played each other and the score was 25 girls and 0 boys because the guyd kept slapping theire butts the whole time.

The End

**A/N well this ones done not as good as the last few.**

**Like I said I don't care about reviews.**


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